


I gave so many signs

by bellamysgriffinprincess



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25998316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamysgriffinprincess/pseuds/bellamysgriffinprincess
Summary: Something flashes in his expression, only a moment and then gone, but it renews a hope in her.Her Bellamy is still in there. He has to be.or some tapping into Clarke's memories speculation. Post 7x11.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 111





	I gave so many signs

**Author's Note:**

> I'm actually not sure if this is any good-- hypothetically I would want one more day to go over it. But I wanted it posted before the episode airs tonight, sooo...

_I think I’ve seen this film before  
and I didn’t like the ending  
you’re not my homeland anymore  
so what am I defending now?_

* * *

The lights are too bright, and the memories come in flashes, each one moving so quickly that Clarke can barely keep up. The ache in her head pulses with each rapid beat in her heart. She cries out each time the machine whirs, the pain almost unbearable.

She only knows she has to protect Madi—the disciples, Bellamy, can’t know that she holds the flame’s memories. Regardless of where Bellamy may stand, he hasn’t yet given up that secret, and so it’s one that she pushes back with everything she has.

So, everything else flows freely. She can’t stop it.

She sees drawings from the Ark, Wells, Finn, Lexa, the hundred—they all flood past like a damn breaking. The noise that yanks itself from her throat sounds inhuman, and the hurt in her head leaks into her heart as she relives some of her worst memories.

Her father being taken away.

Her mother—or her face, at least—being sucked out into space.

 _“Together.”_ A hand over hers—she can almost feel his fingers covering her own.

“We need more information about the flame.” She isn’t sure who it is that speaks. “What do you remember from when it was in your head?”

The memories slow, and she’s back on the top level of Polis, opening her mouth to take the City of Light chip. Even though her Bellamy is not the one that stands off to her left, she remembers clearly the feeling of his hand in hers and it allows her to take a breath, to refocus.

But then she’s thinking of _her_ Bellamy, of his hand on hers at Mount Weather, his arms around her on a dark beach as his tears drip into her hair, his hand brushing across her forehead in a laboratory. A sob escapes her, and she can feel the tears that drifts past her ears.

“Bellamy,” his name slips from her lips, almost a prayer. She stretches her neck, trying to meet his eyes.

Something flashes in his expression, only a moment and then gone, but it renews a hope in her.

Her Bellamy is still in there. He has to be.

She does her best to focus on how much she loves him, and the memories surface. She remembers the kiss she pressed to his cheek when she left after Mount Weather, how much it ripped her chest apart to leave him there. She thinks about his eyes, his smile, the way he’d looked at her when she had begged him to use his head to survive.

The sadness she felt seeing them take off in the rocket, but then the overwhelming happiness that they would be okay. The jealousy that she felt the first time he hugged Echo. Careful, she remembers how heartbroken she had been when he had betrayed her trust, but she leaves Madi out of it. The push that his voice had given her as she’d stared at Josephine, dying, in the mindspace.

The relief she had felt when she opened her eyes and saw him.

_“She must be pretty important to you.”_

_“She is.”_

His eyes don’t change much. They mostly seem sad, just around the edges. She can’t just show him, she knows.

She has to tell him. 

Swallowing past the sudden lump in her throat, she closes her eyes and focuses everything she has on a very specific set of memories.

_“Hey Bellamy, it’s been 357 days since Praimfaya. Hopefully you guys are all doing okay up there. I… I miss you. I miss everyone, but I never realized how much I would miss you. I don’t even know if you can hear these, but if this is all I get, it’ll have to be enough. I’m trying to stay positive, but not seeing you is tough. I wish I knew… I wish I knew that you were okay.”_

_“Hey, Bellamy. It’s been 962 days since Praimfaya, and… I started telling Madi our stories. She loves them, of course. She already loves you. Her favorite story so far is learning about you and Octavia, and how you two survived on the Ark. Her other favorite is… She loves hearing about those first days. I’m sure you remember, when all we did was fight? Sometimes I wonder, if I had known how much I would come to care about you, if I would have still fought you so hard. I think maybe I would have, because I’m pretty stubborn, and you are, too. Anyway, I hope you’re okay. I miss you, every day. Obviously.”_

Clarke strains, trying to meet Bellamy’s eyes as her voice continues to fill the room. His gaze meets hers, his face carefully stoic. Her tears are pooling on the headrest beneath her, soaking her hair.

_“Hey, Bellamy. 1,548 days have passed now. It’s getting closer to when it’ll be safe for you guys to all come back. Today, Madi said something interesting. She was… she was looking at a picture that I drew of you, and she stared at it for a really long time and then she asked ‘Did you ever tell Bellamy you loved him?’ I didn’t really know what she meant, I mean, I’m sure you know how important you are to me. But she… she insisted, saying that she thinks I love you… more than I’ve admitted to her. She’s so smart, honestly. Because I do, of course. And I had to tell her that I never did admit how much I love you to your face. And God, Bellamy, I really hope you’re alive. Because one day, I would love the chance to tell you. But just in case, I’m telling you now… I love you, Bellamy. I love you.”_

“We’re getting nowhere.”

Bellamy’s voice is rough, cutting through the end of the sentences as they fade.

Bill speaks then. “I think I may have underestimated how much you mean to Clarke, Bellamy. Did you know she was in love with you?”

The silence is brief, but heavy. “No.”

“Bellamy, please.” Her voice is quiet, but she knows he hears her.

“We aren’t making progress, my Shephard.”

“On the contrary, I think we have certainly acquired some valuable information today.”

Clarke feels sick as she realizes that in trying to protect Madi, she has given them all her other weakness.

 _Bellamy_.

“Perhaps we should give her a break, once again remind her how all of her friends are alive, despite one of them killing a disciple.” Bellamy’s voice is dark, and Clarke closes her eyes.

Yet, the hand that wraps around her arm to help her up is gentle, and when she glances into Bellamy’s eyes, they’re troubled. “Come on.”

He leads her back to the room, alone, and she feels her feet tripping over themselves in sudden exhaustion. Bellamy seems harder now, out away from the confines of her memories of him. Her voice is echoing in her own head, faded.

“I didn’t know,” he says softly as they get to the door to her room. “How you felt.”

“I’m not sure how you didn’t.” She searches his eyes, imploring him to listen. “Bellamy, they’ll hurt you to get to me.”

“For all mankind, Clarke. You shouldn’t resist.”

She shakes her head, tears stinging the corners of her eyes. “This isn’t you.”

“Maybe it is.”

“I know you. I love you.” The secret it out now—no point in hiding it. “This isn’t my Bellamy.”

His eyes flash again, but it’s gone quickly. “You should get inside. I’ll probably be sent to fetch you in a few hours.”

When he hits the button to open her door and she turns back to him, he reaches up, brushing away a tear still lingering on her cheek.

“Get some rest.”

And then he’s gone.

Clarke’s back hits the wall and she slides down, vaguely aware of Raven asking her something. She doesn’t really hear the words, but she holds the image of Bellamy’s softened eyes as he had helped her up.

“They know I love him. They’re going to hurt him to get to me.” She speaks slowly, a new determination sinking into her chest. “I have to save him. He’s still in there. I saw him… for just a second. I think I know how I can get to him.”

Raven’s hand is on her shoulder, and Clarke meets her eyes. Her friend nods. “So let’s do it. Let’s save him.”

Clarke nods, pushing down her exhaustion.

Bellamy comes first.


End file.
